real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
