I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
