This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
