Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Randomize
