We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
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She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
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We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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