from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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