are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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