the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
