no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
