I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
