I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
