Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
