I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
