Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
