i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
