I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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