bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
