1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
