it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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