i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
