Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
