need another drink. this is the easiest way
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
