just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
