i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
