Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
