One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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