At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
