So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
