I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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