he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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