Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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