soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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