Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
