the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
