Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
