There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize