I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
