Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
