she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
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