There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
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He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
When did angry sex become our thing?
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The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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