I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.