i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners