So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair