Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
