i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
