if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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