My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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