get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
