yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
