My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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