Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
