he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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