Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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