Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
