What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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