She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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