New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
did i walk over a car last night?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
