considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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