so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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