3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
