Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
