my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
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What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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